In the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy…
you love the fact that you can now marry whatever you want. (Or if you’ve decided to marry your horse, for example.)
you believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.
you believe the government will do a better job of spending your money than you could.
freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
you think that when we [someday?] pull out of Iraq you trust that the bad guys will stop what they are doing because they now think we are good people.
you’re way too irresponsible to own a gun, and know that your local police are all you need to protect you from murderers and thieves.
you believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if you don’t start driving a Prius.
you’re not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep the death row inmates alive.
you think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.
you believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to just break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the politicians see fit.
you believe the judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
your head is so firmly planted up your @r$e that it is unlikely that you’ll ever have another point of view.