Not So Funny: Why Ron Paul is wrong on every damn thing!

by Marc Gallagher
hat tip: Liberty Maven
February 27th, 2010

Editor’s Note: Sometimes it’s good to listen to the other side with an open mind because perhaps they know better. This article about Ron Paul was sent to us by our neo-conservative friend, Richard Deekbag, founder of the following website (we apologize for the length of the URL):

http://ohmygodronpaulwilleatallofourbabiesandourbabiesbabies
andtheirbabiesbabiesuntiltherearenobabiesleft.com/

I mean just look at the guy. Ron Paul is all skinny, old, and wrinkly. His speeches are rambling diatribes supporting the long debunked conspiracy theory known as the U.S. Constitution. Everyone knows the Constitution expired more than 100 years ago and has no place in our Conservative-Progressive-Democratic-Socialist-Liberal-Republican (ConProDemSocLibRep) society.

After all it was Ru Paul’s isolationist ideas that lead America into its darkest period following the Revolutionary War after his idiotic idols, the Founding Fathers, defeated the British occupiers. Well, they were more like friendly visitors than occupiers. Visitors that honored the American colonies by taxing them heavily and treating them like peasants.

Everyone knows by now that Ron Paul’s efforts to abolish the massively successful Federal Reserve bank is kookier than cookies. The Fed has been our savior over and over and over and over and over again over the years.  If it weren’t for the Fed the so-called “Great Depression” would have been much shorter. That’s a gigantic problem because we needed it to last much longer just to prove that government regulation is the lifeblood of the economy!

Ron Paul’s foreign policy ideas are moonbat crazy. His ideas violate the golden rule. You know, the whole “do unto others as you would have them do unto you thing”? We would be far less safe if we hadn’t flexed our military muscle in the Middle East. They only respect force and they’ve been cowering in fear of us for the last 10 years. Hopefully we’ll be able to show them who’s boss for at least 100 more years.

Ben Bernanke was overheard saying: “You can’t put a price tag on keeping America safe. Do you know where I can get discounted printer ink? After all we need to save money where we can in these trying times!”, according to a source who didn’t want to be named as a source and who spoke to me through telepathy.

It was so stupid that Ron Paul won the CPAC straw poll. It was obviously rigged by his Campaign For Liberty organization and they were all young people anyway. Everyone knows the future of the GOP will come from the old people! At least the results of the poll were booed loudly which just proves that I’m right.

Not to mention Paul is an anti-semite because he wants to cut off foreign aid to all countries and the last time we checked, Israel was a country. It couldn’t possibly defend itself with a stockpile of only 400 or so nuclear bombs. They need our help!

He’s also an obvious racist because he has a long history of hate speech following the publication of some newsletters written by someone else 25 years ago. His racism is so rampant that one could pull just about any speech of his in his decades in Congress and find the bigotry. In fact here’s one called “Government and Racism“.

It’s so easy to imagine a Klan hood over his head whenever he’s on TV espousing the virtues of some of his lilly-white heroes like Dr. Martin Luther King and Rosa Parks.

Get this through your think skulls people, Ron Paul has no chance at being the next President of the United States. He shouldn’t run because all he will do is screw up the chances for the anointed Republican nominee, who won’t be a crazy, kooky, old, skinny, wrinkly, anti-semitic, racist, isolationist with a fetish for the supreme law of the land.

Don’t you understand, we hate Barack Obama more than we love the Constitution!

The last thing America needs is a candidate that adheres so rigidly to his principles and is logically consistent in both domestic and foreign policy.

And don’t get me started on his supporters.

1 Comment

  1. Jefferson

    March 3, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Brilliant! Don’t ya just love satire. You can say anything you want and never, ever get in trouble. I learned this when I was about eight. I would love to see this in the Columbus Dispatch but then again….

    “irony is wasted on the stupid”

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